Your child
will learn to cope. I did. I had family (cousins) and friends that could run
and play, doing active things for hours. In group games I would often find the least
active role and take that. With one-on-one play I often insisted on playing
games I knew I could cope with physically. I could keep up for a little bit but
when I got tired I sought out the company of my parents. This had a few
purposes.
- 1, Adults tend to sit around and chat. For them it’s quiet normal to be sedentary. When you’re around the adults, they’ll tell you to keep quiet and sit still. No problem there.
- 2. My peers would not bother me with the peer pressure whines of “but come on and play – we’re all playing!” Why? Because the adults were watching and listening.
- 3. I could usually sneak a bite of descent food.
Being in my
parent’s company gave me an opportunity to pause, catch my breath and recoup
without having to explain or give reasons.
This had a
couple of curious side-effects. Being in the company of adults and having to
listen to their boring chatter changed the way I saw things as a child. I could
tell when children (my peers) were lying, exaggerating or trying to make
themselves seem more important somehow.
I also
found much of what they did or talked about immature.
There was
also the flip side. When adults talked down to me I didn’t like it much either.
I was used to adults talking to each other and speaking to my parents as an
adult even though I clearly wasn’t. When an adult turned their voice into this
honey coated high-pitched smiley-faced pretense to talk to me I found it nauseatingly
false. This could also have been because when cardiac professionals like
doctors and professors talked to me as a child it was in a matter-of-fact tone
in a normal voice. I appreciated that sincerity.
My parents
always expected me to eat what they ate. Perhaps they wanted me to experience all
I could due to my condition. Perhaps that’s simply how they were. Even if you had a normal child though, wouldn’t
you want them to also experience all they could?
I’ve always
appreciated that they would always allow me a taste of what they were having if
we ate out or came across a food I’d not tried yet.
It would
baffle me when my friend’s parents would prepare a different set of food for us
kids and I’d find it insulting that they found us not worthy to eat what they
were having. My how I hated those kid hotdogs that parents handed out with such
glee and my peers accepted with such gusto. I speak of a bun with a wiener sausage
and a slap of ketchup on. The hotdog I was privy to at home had a warm wiener
sausage in a lightly buttered bun with tomato and onion relish on. I wasn’t
intentionally being snobbish, it’s simply that when I was offered a hotdog, that’s
what I expected because that’s what I normally got.
Then there
was the crockery and cutlery. Grown-ups would insist on giving me cool drink in
a plastic glass or cup and food on a plastic plate.
Yes I was a
child. Yes I broke my fair share of crockery but so do adults. I found it infinitely
insulting when I wasn’t offered proper crockery or glass glasses or ceramic
cups. It was something my parents didn’t buy into. We had what we had and used
what we used. They didn’t go out and especially buy me my own crockery.
What has
this if anything to do with a child who has a heart condition?
Well, in
conclusion: A child with a heart condition is going to spend far more time surrounded
by adults than a “normal” healthy child. Yes, that child will want to be a
child (excuse the pun) with all their heart BUT adult ways will rub off on
them. They will expect to be treated as an adult in some ways and not in
others. Their social experience will be vastly different to other children.
Perhaps they will be polite about it as I believe I was or perhaps not. Try to understand
and treat them with love.
Until the
next blog, bye for now.
